Sunday, Sunday, Get Things Done Day

Posted in 21 Day Fix, Honesty, Learning, Motivation, Random by

sunday

Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest. I, however, cannot rest. I started this blog post at 3am because I was battling another bout of insomnia.  A couple hours later I drifted off into not so peaceful sleep to begin my day at 8 am with a coupe dishes and making a hearty breakfast.

A quick jaunt later and I’m sitting in my local Starbucks waiting for my Pumpkin Spice Latte (I’d tell you the exact thing I ordered, but you’d judge me! You should have seen the looks I got when they called out my order) and writing this post before I get back to getting some studying done for an upcoming work exam.

When I get a break from studying I need to make a meal plan for the week, along with go to the grocery store and then come home to prep. Needless to say it’s going to be a long one!  However, all the craziness shoved into one day is totally worth it.  Why?  Because Once I make all my meals for the week, I don’t have to cook again until next Sunday!  Can you imagine how much time that saves?

Having the extra couple hours in the day gives me an extra couple hours to do one of many things…

  • hangout with friends
  • clean my house
  • watch tv
  • work out
  • read
  • go on dates
  • relax
  • plan next challenge group
  • study

I’m pretty sure most of my time will be spent on the latter  two options, but they’re both pretty important things in my life! I’m currently studying for a LOMA class (don’t ask me what LOMA stands for because I can’t remember) but this one is on Marketing in Financial Services and the Marketing aspect is interesting, the Financial Services aspect- not so much (ooops that’s my field!).

As far as the challenge group- when I’m not busy serving the life insurance world I’m an online health and fitness motivator/inspirer.  Okay inspirer is not a word – that red squiggly line is currently screaming at me- but it sounds better than my official title of “Coach.”  When I think of the word coach i think of someone that runs around in a track suit with a whistle- yes I’m picturing Sue Sylvester from Glee.  What I do is help other women (and the ocassional man) find their best and happiest self through exercise and portion control.  I work along side them virtually while we’re all exercising daily and incorporating a healthy diet into our lifestyle while supporting each other.

Oh they’re calling my name!  My coffee is ready! Gotta Go!!

~Laughter and smiles

~Lizz~

 

A Trip to the Middle of Nowhere

Posted in Family, Travel by

If I told you I was going on a trip to the Azores, would you give me a confused look? Would you ask me where it is? If the answer is yes, well then you’re not alone.  If my family wasn’t from there, I’d probably have to look it up myself! So what is this Azores place of which I speak?  The Azores are almost so unknown that they’re not on most world maps or globes (do people still have globes?) therefore I’m not really surprised when no one knows it. Azores world map

The Azores are a set of 9 volcanic islands about 1000 miles off the coast of Portugal. The islands are small.  The largest island, Sao Miguel, is about 300 square miles and has about 150,000 people.  The smallest island is Corvo which is 7 square miles and has about 500 people on it. So picture this, the smallest state in the US is Rhode Island which is about 1200 square miles and 1 million people. I’m from outside of Boston, so I’m used not used to small places!

My mom spent the first 10 years of her life there and it means so much to her. In 2007 I took a trip there with my parents, sister, and aunt and uncle. It was a wonderful trip, but we felt like we missed out on a lot and my mom wanted to take another trip with just the four of us. So in May my parents, my sister, and I hoped a 10:30 pm flight from Logan and flew 7 hours to the island of Terceira to begin our adventure!

Azores-map

Tomorrow I’ll begin to tell you my stories so stay tuned!

 

 

 

One Step at a Time

Posted in Confession, Eating Disorder, Honesty by

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Safety… what comes to my mind when you think of that word?  Family? Friends? Home?What about locks, alarms, police? That isn’t the first thing that comes to mind. My word for safety is “food.” Food always has been my safe place. Food has always been that safety net, that security blanket, the comfort I needed when nothing else helped. I’ve always been an emotional person and when those emotions reach an overwhelming level, I try to maintain my balance by eating. When I’m sad- I eat, when I’m happy – I eat, when I’m lonely- I eat ( a lot).

Ever since I was young I can remember using food to comfort my moods. Had a bad day? I’d sneak an extra scoop of ice cream. Feeling sad? Take an extra Nutty Bar.  All my friends are out on a Friday night and I’m home? Let’s eat the entire package of Oreos. The older I got, the more I sought safety.  When I moved out on my own, I found myself always reaching for something to comfort me. To make me feel safe. The cost of that safety? My health, my sanity, my self-esteem. Does that really seem safe to you?

Up until recently, it did. I was in denial of how bad it was. In September I started the 21 Day Fix and by Christmas I had lost 25 pounds. I was feeling great about myself, about life, about everything. Then the holidays hit. Holidays were always an emotional trigger for me, it’s when I felt the most alone. I was determined to get through a holiday unscathed. Unfortunately I failed. My emotions were at an all time high. I ate everything I could get my hands on.

While most people start the New Year by making resolutions, I started the New Year by eating an entire trifle by myself. My 35th birthday was looming and I said I’d lose 35 by 35, that didn’t happen. A few weeks later my Grampy passed away and I was crushed. I fell into the biggest pit of despair, it was so dark and I felt so alone.  The only way I knew to fill the hole in my heart was to eat. I consumed pints of ice cream, jars of peanut butter, and candy galore. I stopped working out, I stopped seeing my friends.

My binge eating took over my life. Now, I’ve always been a binge eater, I just never said it out loud or let it get that far. By the time April came around I had put on the 25 pounds I lost, plus a few extra. I did this in approximately 3 months! Not good, Lizz, not good. I was stuck in a vicious cycle. I ate and ate and ate and pushed everyone away because I was ashamed. Because I pushed everyone away, I was lonely. To fill the void, I ate. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I finally came clean to my therapist. I admitted  to my bingeing; to hiding in my car and eating so that my coworkers couldn’t see me; to eating beyond the full point because it felt good; to never remembering what I ate or how much I ate; to food being the center of my world. She said we should talk about eating disorders, specifically Binge Eating Disorder. Unfortunately our time was up (doesn’t it always happen that way?) and I was getting ready to head to a 2 week European vacation with my family.

I spent my spare time before the trip researching BED (seriously, the acronym for it was bed?!) and I had no doubt that was what I was suffering from. While on vacation I noticed my patterns and habits; how I ate more than my entire family, ate faster, snacked more often, and drank more than they did too. I came home with this newfound knowledge, and what did I do with it? I wallowed in it and ate through my tears.

I confessed everything in therapy and received a new diagnosis- Binge Eating Disorder without Purging- and began treatment. Once this “label” was put on me, it was like I was freed of the shackles that weighed me down. I opened my eyes to the road ahead of me and that path I had taken to get me to where I was. I had two options- step forward or step backwards. I chose to step forward. I reached out to some of those I pushed away, I reached out to those that could help me stay on the path.

Every day I take a step forward. Occasionally I take a step backward, but now I refuse to feel ashamed, I refuse to let it destroy me again. For each step I take backwards, I take two steps forward.  I haven’t binged in over a month! I’ve made healthy choices, I’ve made smart choices; I’m down over 10 pounds!  I’m on the road to recovery, one step at a time.

A New Choice

Posted in Honesty, Motivation, Random, Uncategorized by

Life is all about choices. We make so many choices all the time. Even when we decide not to make a choice, we’re making a choice. It’s a vicious cycle. Denis Waitley once said “There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.” Please don’t ask me who Denis Waitley is, because honestly, I have no idea, I just like the quote!

One of my least favorite sayings is “It is what it is,” but honestly there’s not much more truth in this dumb little saying. For years I accepted that my life just is what it is; that I was always going to be “fat,” that I’d never be happy, that the only thing I could do was complain. I’ve done more complaining and fat shaming than moving. I honestly think that if I sat down to add up all the hours I’ve spent complaining, I’ve most likely spent at least half my life spewing toxic garbage. This is a lot of wasted time and an awful lot of garbage. It’s time to take out the garbage and take some responsibility.

So here I stand, well sit because typing standing up isn’t fun, trust me I’ve tried it, starting another chapter in my life. A chapter full of determination and responsibility. If you know me I’m sure you’re saying “Sure Lizz, we’ve heard this before.” And you’re right, you have. At least once a year I have these little spurts of motivation, little bright ideas that I lazily try to carry out for a week or two. So you’re asking yourself “so what makes this one different?”

Well to be quite honest, I don’t know. I can’t say that the little light bulb of flickering motivation above my head won’t fade. But I can say that this time it feels different, very different and even if that light bulb burns out, I’ll just replace it with a new one, same brand, of course, but higher wattage.

I’m going to write as often as I can, about whatever floats my little boat of change. It’s obviously going to be laced with quotes and clichés and hopefully some inspiration. As I write I will laugh, and cry, and may even fall asleep, but I don’t expect you to, that is unless you want to. I’ll admit my reasons for this blog are predominately selfish. I want to document my journey, my trials and tribulations, my thoughts and whatever is rattling around inside my head.

Feel free to keep reading, it’s your choice.

Dear Starbucks

Posted in Confession, Honesty, Shakeology by

Dear Starbucks…

I don’t know how to say this, you’ve been great,  really you have… It’s just, well… um… oh man okay, how do I sugar coat this? I’m a lousy poker player. I’m so not Gaga, you can totally read my poker face.  I really need to come clean… There’s someone else!  I know, I know. I’m a two timing hussy, I get it, but please let me explain… It’s not you, it’s me… no… wait… scratch that, it’s so you!  That’s right, you heard me.  We are never ever ever getting back together.

I found a new love. I know you’re asking yourself who I could possibly love more than you.  Like I said, you’ve been great and all, but you’re just not the one. I’m leaving you for someone way better.  I’ve fallen in love with Café Latte by Shakeology and I’m not ashamed to shout it from the rooftops!

Why? Well, why not? I’m just tired of you.  I’m tired of always having to go to you; you have never once come to me. I’m constantly waiting for you; there are always other people ahead of me.  You’re so unhealthy for me; all the empty calories, the accessories you need just to pretend to be good for me. Not to mention, you can’t even get my name right! I’m sorry, it’s over.

With Café Latte, I never have to leave my house. It shows up right on my door and is even polite enough to ring the doorbell.  When I wake up in the morning, I know they’ll still be there.  Any time I want I can have it. I don’t have to worry about deciding if I want Venti or Grande, 2 shots or 3; my biggest decision is do I want it in a shaker or a glass.  Café Latte is all natural, I get all the vitamins and minerals I need and I get all the energy I need without the caffeine crash.  How’s that for performance?

Oh did I mention that Café Latte is helping me save money? We’re saving money for a tropical vacation! Now that I’m spending less than 4 dollars a day, instead of the 7 dollars I would have to give you every day.  And, oh yeah, I’ve already lost 20 pounds drinking my Shakeology, I don’t think you have ever done that for me. So Starbucks, it was nice knowing you.

Kisses!

Lizz

Birthday Calories Don’t Exist

Posted in Honesty, Learning, Motivation, Weight loss by

I came back last night from a weekend away with my friends. A weekend that just happened to coincide with my birthday. A weekend, smack dab in the middle of a 21 day fix round.  Usually on these weekends we gourge ourselves with food and alcohol. Usually I come back a handful of pounds heavier and feeling badly about myself. Not. This. Time!

I prepared myself in advance. I meal prepped what I wanted to eat for the long weekend and brought my food with me. Having Celiac usually means I have to bring a ton of my own food with me anyways, so this wasn’t a shocker to my friends.

I made breakfast bags- I measured out a cup of spinach, a cup of mushrooms and onions, and a cup of peppers- to be sautéed and put over eggs.  I packed a lunch of an English muffin, turkey bacon, guac and deli turkey to be eaten with cut up fruits and veggies.  Dinners were gluten free pasta with veggies and mozzarella and burrito bowls of quinoa, beans, chicken, corn, peppers, and onions.  I had my Shakeology shake every day.  I did my almost best to snack healthy- apples and peanut butter (okay maybe too much peanut butter), yogurt, veggies, chips with salsa and guac.  I tried to drink my water, but we know how bad I am at that.

I got up Friday morning and worked out, thank goodness for my laptop and Beachbody on Demand, I got to Cize it up for a half hour. I also got to chase around a toddler a lot, so I got some running in, until I twisted my ankle.

I went into this with the best of intentions. I know they say “the road to hell is paved with good intentions,” although I didn’t follow it to hell, I did take a few detours.  I enjoyed my chips and guac, I enjoyed my apples and peanut butter, I enjoyed my cheese and crackers, and I enjoyed the peanut m&m’s that kept winding up in front of me. The night of my birthday I had made a shake with alcohol in it and had one double chocolate sea salt macaroon. My will isn’t the strongest, but it’s not the weakest.

There were many times I wanted to cave and eat all the cookies someone gave my for my bday or drink more than one alcoholic drink.  I wanted to bury my face in my jar of peanut butter long after the apples work gone or find more crackers to eat with the cheese that was still there, but I didn’t. I reminded myself of my goal and the strength I do have.   I reminded myself that you can still have fun without alcohol and food and I did just that, had fun.

I stepped on the scale today with no deal breaking expectations. I knew that whatever the scale said was what it was and I would just move forward.  I was up just over a pound. I danced, I celebrated!  I don’t care that it’s a gain, because had this been last year the scale would have been up more than that. I would have eaten everything I could get my hands on.

I know how far I’ve come.

Falling off the Wagon

Posted in Confession, Weight loss by

Confession: This. $hit. Is. Hard!

If it wasn’t hard, everyone would be doing it. Everyone would be skinny. Everyone would be healthy.

It’s February 1st and it’s a Monday.  That means it’s a new day, a new month, a new week… I was reminded of this by my best friend today and my response was “F@*k you Monday.”  That’s the kind of mood I’m in today.

I’m pretty sure I’ve fallen off the wagon, and climbed back on, and fallen off again. Actually, I’m pretty sure the wagon has left without me. Whenever I mention a wagon I immediately get drawn back to my late 80s/early 90s childhood and that game that Oregon Trail. I feel like I’m at the point where you have to forge the river and turn you wagon into a boat; someone always falls out the deeper the water is.

“Lizz has fallen off of the wagon and drowned”

I could use a couple life preservers right now.  I know I’m buoyant and come with my own flotation devices, but if someone could toss me a life preserver that would be great.  Yeah yeah, I should have been wearing my life jacket but orange is so not my color (hence why I have yet to be caught and thrown into jail).

In all seriousness, losing weight is not easy. Blogging about it is hard too… the date is actually February 14th and I’ve been trying to finish my first blog post for 13 days.

It’s Valentine’s Day, I’m currently sitting at home doing my version of “Netflix and Chill.” I’m drinking a nice ice cold Chocolate PB Banana Shakeology while binge watching Supernatural in fleece leggings because its currently 7 degrees out, yes 7!

I’m here because I need to be. I need to document my journey and hold myself accountable and share my triumphs and struggles.  So going forward, I’m back on the wagon!  It’s a slow wagon so if you want to follow me or walk beside me you totally can!

So let’s get this party started!

And So It Begins…

Posted in 21 Day Fix, Confession, Honesty, Motivation, Weight loss by

My beginning blog, that got lost in the shuffle…

October 21, 2015

“All great ideas and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning.”
~Albert Camus
Labor Day 2015. I woke up in the twin bed I used to sleep in at my parents’ house. My best friend got married the night before and their house was closer than mine was. 

Upon waking I did whatever aging millennial does; I checked Facebook for pictures. Right there in black and white was a picture of their ceremony. I was standing there doing my duties as one of the maids of honor, gazing at the couple lovingly, looking like the hippo from Fantasia; except the pink tutu was replaced with a beautiful jersey bridesmaid’s dress in the color Oasis.

I gasped in horror. Is that what I really looked like? Did I really get to be that big? I mean, I know I’m no [insert whatever celebrity is the new skinny] but I didn’t realize my girth could give Shamu a run for her money. I sat in stunned silence for a few moments as the tears started to well up in my eyes. I threw open my bedroom door, much reminiscent of my adolescent years, and found my mother sitting on the couch. I shoved my phone in her face and through crocodile tears I said to her “look at this mom, look at it.”

Once she realized what I was trying to show her, she asked me to sit down so we could talk about it. I wanted to regress to that little girl that would lay my head in her lap as she stroked my hair until I stopped crying. Instead I acted like the 34 year old woman I needed to be and sat on the sofa facing her. With tears still streaming down my cheeks and with a look of heartbreak and confusion I asked her.

“Mom, when did I get this big?”
I was always active growing up, so despite how much I weighed, I was always solid. I was a big kid, but I was never “fat.” Over the past few years my inactivity and less than stellar lifestyle has caught up with me and although I’ve seen the “fat” creeping in, I never really noticed it until now.

That afternoon I met with my therapist to discuss what I was feeling about myself and my weight. I was fortunate enough a handful of years ago to be directed towards my therapist, let’s call her Etta, when I was struggling with anxiety and depression. Etta is also a weight loss therapist and has been a blessing during my struggles over the years. For almost 45 minutes she listened to me cry and I devised I plan.

A couple weeks prior, I had been talking with one of my coworkers about trying the 21 Day Fix. You know the infomercial with the colored containers and everyone looks so happy and healthy? Yes, that 21 Day Fix. . I had ordered it after we initially talked and it was at my house, still sitting in the box. I was overwhelmed and afraid to fail, but after this post wedding meltdown, what choice did I have?

 The next day I walked up to my coworker and said “let’s do it!”
So here I am a month later. I’ve lost 11 pounds so far and have a new lease on life. I will talk about what happened during that month in my next post.

 A great thought came from that ridiculous beginning, and I couldn’t be happier!